Play to save our necks.

Barely 3 feet from the trap, you walked free.
It wasn't a trap meant for you, surely not.


(In the trap, she was denied death.
No one breaks it, not with her heart in it)



If I don't make sense, I don't.

(We did have good days too)

I didn't ask to get involved in love stories.

Either that, I need to stop meeting the wrong people, (appearing) at the wrong places, at the wrong time.

We need to stop living on assumptions.

We need to get out, lets get out.

I want to, I do.

I'd have written a long time ago if I could.

(Be) careful. Every touch's a prick and paying the price of mistaken identity, we (you walked in incidentally) bore the weight of this heavy heart, fingers raw from the cuts of this wired trap (it was a set up; meant for me). Now, they've come to collect you, throwing their loot (they didn't know as it was given to them) into my tear-filled face, it didn't hurt as much as watching them take you away.

Chilly, dull, rainy Wednesday.
Bright summer dresses, (wore two, one over the other)
a lot of strange people
before I met familiarity(-ties) (there were two of them)

...

In the thief's steal..was everything she had owned. At every stop, seemingly wonderful (you can never know) white collar workers with perfect make-up, perfect vertical lines ironed onto their pants (like Gran's) and everything else that belonged to the family of perfect boards the train, standing, sitting, leaning and more even more stood around her.

(only this much)

Took quite a bit of effort to type out what I enjoyed from the book I'm reading now.

'Tis is the title.

Is this what I'll do for the rest of my life, take the subway ... tell my students day after day, sit down, please, open your notebooks, take out your pens, you don't have paper? Here's paper, you don't have a pen? Borrow one, copy the notes on the board, you can't see from there? Joey would you change seats with Brian? Come on, Joey, don't be such a, no, Joey, I didn't call you a jerk, I just asked you to change seats with Brian who needs glasses, you don't need glasses, Brian? Well, why do you have to move, never mind, Joey, just move, will you? Freddie, put that sandwich away, this isn't the lunchroom, I don't care if you're hungry, no, you can't go to the bathroom to eat your sandwich, you're not supposed to be eating sandwiches in the toilet, what is it, Maria? You're sick, you have to see the nurse? Okay, here's a pass, Diane, would you take Maria to the nurse's office and let me know what the nurse says, no, I know they won't tell you what's wrong with her, I just want to know if she'll be coming back to class, what is it, Albert, you're sick, too? No, you're not, Albert, you just sit there and do your work, you gotta see the nurse, Albert? You're really sick? You have diarrhea? Well, here's the pass to the boy's room and don't stay there all period, the rest of you finishing copying the notes on the board, there will be a test, you know that, don't you? There will a test, what's that, Sebastian, your pen ran out of ink? Well, why didn't you say something? Yes, you're saying it now but you could have said it ten minutes ago, oh, you didn't want to interrupt all these sick people? That's nice of you, Sebastian, does anyone have a pen to loan Sebastian? Oh, come on, what's that, Joey? Sebastian is a what? A what? You shouldn't be saying things like that, Joey, Sebastian, sit down, no fighting in the classroom, what's that, Ann? You gotta what? Go where, Ann? Oh, you got your period? You're right, Joey, she doesn't have to tell the whole world, yes, Daniela? You want to take Ann to the bathroom? Why? Oh, she doesn't ah speak good English, so what does that got to do with her having her? What's that, Joey? You don't think girls should talk like that, easy, Daniela, easy, you don't have to be insulting, what's that, Joey? You're religious and people shouldn't talk like that, okay, easy, Daniela, I know you're defending Ann who needs to go to the toilet, the bathroom, so go, take her there, and the rest of you copy the notes on the board, oh, you can't see, either? You want to move up? Okay, move up, here's an empty seat but where's your notebook? You left it on the bus, all right, you need paper, here's paper, you need a pen? Here's a pen, you need to go to the bathroom? Well, go go go to the bathroom, eat a sandwich, hang out with your friends, jesus.


Another paragraph..cocky.

Teachers are the only professionals who have to respond to bells very forty-five minutes and come out fighting. All right, class, sit down. Yes, you, sit down. Open your notebooks, that's right, your notebooks, am I speaking a foreign language, kid? Don't call you kid? Okay, I won't call you kid. Just sit down. Report card grades are just around the corner and I can put you on welfare rolls. All right, bring in your father, bring in your mother, bring in your whole damn tribe. You don't have a pen, Pete? Okay, here's a pen. Good-bye, pen. No, Phyllis, you can't have the pass. I don't care if you're having a hundred periods, Phyllis, because what you really want to do is to meet Eddie and disappear into the basement where your future could be determined by one smooth panty drop and one swift upward stroke from Eddie's impatient member, the start of your little nine-month adventure that will end with you squawking Eddie better marry you, the shotgun aimed at this lower frontal region and his dreams dead. So, I'm saving you, Phyllis, you and Eddie and no, you don't have to thank me.

...

Does the books we read (also) make us who we are?

...

That last seat in the first train home, she couldn't remember if she had boarded the right train. It wouldn't matter anyway, she was among the first to board the first train home, with her purse in the thief's steal anyway.



(I'm sorry, I could only do this much)

How to live, all the good days, (pause)

...

ICED MIMOSA
(just in case I forget about it someday which I doubt so since it has been stuck in my head ever since you mentioned it)

A certain number of episodes make up one season.
(like those Sex And The City DVD(s) I used to pop in randomly)

I am back to try this out again.

Saturday, 01 March 2008

Living yesterday's night and tomorrow will only come this evening.

G'morning and breakfast's at Eight (in darkness)

...

Tuesday, 01 April 2008

Art to conceal heart.

...

Friday, 02 May 2008

At three in the morning, it came home and drank from the pudding cup.



You remind me of me,
it reminded her of it.

...

Saturday, 17 May 2008

I came home to bury you. Found you a neighbour too. And before you left, you caused someone an eye allergy (like a bruise)

She picks stray people off the net while I pick stray animals off the street. Only difference is, the people don't die (at least not yet)

So please, if you're thinking of lodging (and maybe some love) do it off the net.

Lest you want to have neighbours who don't talk. (Maybe they do)

...

Thursday, 22 May 2008

You forgot your keys when you walked out.

(clicks) the door's shut.

...

Monday, 02 June 2008

Living ghost of herself.


It was murder, a certain kind of murder.

...

Thursday, 05 June 2008

Waking up to the aroma of coffee (though I don't take caffeine) and freshly baked croissants, loud whistles from the steam wand, "turning milk into foam" (somebody must have ordered a cappuccino) and that constant stirring in the teacup.. This very morning, with the chilly wind brushing against my pink cheeks (I'd have hidden myself under a light blue baby blanket I brought along) sipping coffee (in this case, hot chocolate will do) and my frantic attempt at being neat with the croissant, no one's watching.

That, would be nice.

...

Monday, 09 June 2008

Nothing new. Can't count the number of times I would mention "Cunt" in all my conversations (pun intended). Too much Soy Bean Milk and Croissants at midnight chatting with cyber-friend(s) 1, 3, 8.. (can't count), late nights and a ridiculous amount of work. I must have forgotten that it is 7am now and a not-so-Happy Pill's coming over at 9am to watch me crawl out of bed. Still trying, trying to make sense of my journal. No idea if I did remind Aunt to get chilli padi before self-cooked instant mee for dinners becomes yucky again. I should have taken home my bedside light with me, can't believe I left it behind.

I can't breathe through my nose anymore and I'm all for an one-for-one exchange of throats.

...


All the days you chose to ignore..  was (most likely) enough.
Enough, enough for.. shrugs.